Baby Steps: How to Thrive with Depression Series (Part 3)

Welcome back to the Thriving with Depression Series! Thank you for joining me on my adventure!  

To view the full series, check out our archive! As a reminder to new readers, you can start anywhere, even here as articles do not need to be read in any particular order. 

Many years ago, I came across a book that I REALLY wanted to read: Baby Steps; A Guide to Living Life One Step at a Time by Dr. Leo Marvin. It is about setting small, reasonable goals for yourself. One day at a time and one tiny step at a time. There is just one problem. The book doesn’t exist. Neither does psychiatrist Dr. Leo Marvin.

What? You may be asking. Well, Dr. Marvin is a character played by Richard Dreyfuss in the 1991 film What About Bob? He plays opposite Bill Murray (Bob), a likeable patient who thinks the book is brilliant and won’t leave Dr. Marvin alone (even on vacation).  It is a hilarious movie and, after watching it, I wanted to read the fictional book.

The book itself may be fictional but the idea is not. Baby steps- taking one thing at a time is a very common idea. I introduced you to Step One and Step Two in the learning to thrive process. It takes time and practice to start a new habit and master a new skill. So, I wanted to spend this week going through the steps and providing some more information and examples. I don’t know about you but whenever I am introduced to a new idea or process, it takes me awhile to start. It is not that I need to decide if I want to do something or not. Even if I believe something is a good idea it may take me a few days or weeks to start. It is because I like to become familiar with something first and decide how I want to fit it into my schedule. Because, like most of you, my schedule is extremely busy. So, let’s take some time to become more familiar with the first two steps.

Step one: Reframing your point of view. 

In this step, you select one or two areas in your life that cause you the most stress. Each time you have a negative thought about your area(s), you are going to write down something that you do like about it.

How do you do this? 

I recommend getting a notebook just for this task. It should not be on the same paper you use for grocery lists or other activities.

How often?
Set aside a few minutes each day for this activity. Sometimes I use downtime to do this such as when I’m on hold, waiting for a meeting to start or watching television. You can also do this anytime you struggle with a particular issue.

When?
This is up to work. Most people like to do things in the morning before they get too busy or in the evening as they are winding down and reflecting on the day. There is no set time.

You may have heard the phrase “Fake it until you make it.” You are not going to be doing that in this situation. While this idea may be helpful at times, we are not going to use it here. You need to tell yourself the truth. If you find yourself having trouble thinking of something positive, keep searching. Start small if you need to. If the only thing you like about your brother is the color of his car, then write that down.

You might be wondering why you should take the time to write this info down. After all, you probably know intellectually that there is a positive side to everything, even if it doesn’t always feel that way. And what’s the point of writing down that you like your brother’s blue car? There are a few reasons.

• The more you look for the positive, the better you will become at it. Just like any habit. One day, the only thing you can say positive about your brother is that you like the color of his car. As you think about your brother more, you might remember the time he took you to lunch on your birthday. Maybe the next week you might remember that he was nice to you when on your first day at high school. As you try to think for positive aspects of a situation, they will come to you.

• By writing it down using pen and paper, you are using both your senses of touch and sight. This is the reason why I recommend using pen and paper over the computer or your phone. Yes, using the keypad can be considered touching. But there is no replacement for using a pen and paper. It is a more physical way of writing. Also, your handwriting is similar to a thumbprint. Times New Roman font 12 looks the same no matter who uses it. But not so your handwriting. It is uniquely you.

• We tend to be forgetful. We are exposed to so much information that, unless you have a photographic memory, there is no way you can remember everything.

Here are some examples:

 

Step Two: Read aloud the information you write down. 

No whispering or mumbling. It needs to be said with conviction and confidence. The best time to read out loud is when you write it down but if this isn’t feasible, just do it when you can. HOW you say it is more than WHEN you say it.

In Step One, you used your senses of touch and sight. In Step Two, you will be using your sense of hearing. By continuing to write down positive aspects of your situation, you will learn to see it in a new light. But you want to do more than recognize that there is a positive side. 

You want to learn to enjoy your life. 

You don’t want to just tread water. You want to swim. 

This is where Step Two comes in. You are ingraining these ideas into your subconscious. The more senses you use in creating a habit, the more ingrained it becomes in you.