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Welcome back! This holiday season has been particularly challenging for my family, so I decided to do another Thriving During the Holidays Article. I found it helpful and cathartic to write and I hope you find it helpful as well!
My last article focused more on handling family gatherings. In this article, I focus on different stressors: money, calories, crowds, and loneliness. The purpose of the holidays is to enjoy the festivities, spend time with loved ones/friends, and show kindness to others. Christmas celebrates the birth of a man, identified by many as a savior, who spent his time on Earth spreading messages of peace and understanding. It also celebrates a saint, Saint Nicholas (aka. Santa Claus), known for his generosity and kindness to others.
You don’t have to spend the GDP of a small country on Christmas gifts! Many years ago, a friend got me a Christmas gift I really liked. She put together a little basket with a variety of practical items including lotion, lip balm, and socks. She was on a strict budget and had purchased the basket and items at a discount retailer. It was simple but so useful. I found myself using it right away. I found it to be a thoughtful and creative gift. It was something she put together herself. I have received many enjoyable gifts over the years that cost very little: a homemade card, a book from a secondhand store, homemade baked goods, creative cooking utensils or super warm slipper socks (since I am always cold). When you shop, start at the inexpensive stores, and then go to the more expensive retailers if you can’t find what you want. Not the opposite. You may be amazed at what you will find at discount retailers. There is also no rule that you have to buy everyone you know a gift. If you think you do, why is this? Do the people around you really expect gifts, or do you feel compelled to buy something for everyone? Do you feel like you’ve ignored or left out your child’s teacher, the mailman or your hairdresser if you don’t include them? The teacher and mailman most likely have friends and family who will give them something. So, if you feel like someone is being left behind or forgotten, this usually isn’t the case. If you buy them presents because you want to recognize them for their hard work or show them you are thinking of them, you can do this without buying a gift. A card, a note, a picture of your pets/kids, or a homemade treat or ornament is more personal and conveys the same sentiment. And if you are stretched for time, a store-bought card with just a sentence saying how much you appreciate them will do the trick. A close friend of mine (who lives a few streets away) mailed me a beautiful store-bought card with a short note (3 sentences). I love it. It was so fun getting something in the mail other than a bill!
You can enjoy treats for the holidays without eating 6000 calories a day (think of wine tasting vs. getting drunk). Are you trying to feed your sugar craving or get a sugar rush? A sugar rush is when you feel a strong craving for sugar and just grab whatever you can. This is very different than tasting and savoring holiday treats; particularly if you know you will encountering some homemade treats that you don’t enjoy at other times of the year. You can always grab a cookie, but your Aunt Edna only makes her homemade lemon squares at Christmas. Have your protein, veggies, and fruits before dessert. After dinner or a healthy snack, then you can have your treats. But be selective about your treats. Take a bite of your Aunt Edna’s lemon squares, chew it slowly and savor it. You are reminding yourself why you enjoy them so much. Not cramming it down your throat for a sugar rush when it took her over an hour to make them. You are tasting and savoring, not cramming. Not only will you save on calories, but you will also enjoy the treats more! After all, they’re called treats for a reason.
The crowds can be overwhelming at times whether at the stores or on the roads. On the one hand, it is fun to see everyone out and enjoying the holidays. But maneuvering for a parking spot or standing in a long line can be tiring. You will have to use your imagination to deal with this issue. If, in a long line, don’t stare at the people in front of you and guess at how much longer you have to wait. My recommendation is to do one of two things. You can go out when the crowds are less, or you can change your mindset while in line. Look at the people in line and guess at their ages, their occupations, what their lives might be like, who they are buying for, etc. I also carry around my kindle in my purse. If I get a little anxious while waiting in line, waiting at the doctor’s office, etc. then I take out my kindle and read. Children, when they are not overly tired, have excellent imaginations and the ability to make a game out of most any situation. It is time to bring out your inner child. Looking for a spot in a parking garage? No, you are actually on a hunting expedition in the Caribbean and looking for the X that marks the spot. Stuck in a traffic jam? No, you are actually in a Christmas parade.
Loneliness. Despite all the crowds and activity, people still get lonely. You can be in a crowd of 100 people and yet still feel alone! You might be missing loved ones that live faraway or that have passed. It is not unusual to miss a pet that you may no longer have as well. Nothing can take the place of another person or pet. The goal is keeping the feeling at a manageable level so you can still enjoy yourself. You don’t want to find yourself in that pit of despair. People do different things to help with loneliness: looking at family pictures, wrapping presents,
watching a funny movie, going out to lunch with a friend, seeking help from clergy, etc. I keep a holiday buddy. This didn’t start out as a planned idea. I did it unintentionally and then realized what a lifesaver it has been. I have a very close friend who I am unable to see in person very often. Texting has been a gift to us. We touch base every 1-3 days. Sometimes we just send a funny message to each other. Other times we just discuss recent movies or books that we enjoyed. And on other days, we discuss what is going on in our lives. There are two important elements to this system that make it work: (1) If she texts me, I am not REQUIRED to respond by a certain time. There is no sense of obligation or hurt feelings if someone doesn’t text back fast enough, etc. I might be in back-to-back meetings that day. She might be out doing chores that day or at an appointment. We both have a lot going on in our lives, so we do not impose a required response and a required timeline. Now, if we don’t hear from each other within a few days we might check to ensure the other person is ok. But that is it. (2) Not every encounter is serious.
Many of our encounters include just sending funny memes or jokes we come across or discussing the latest movies we enjoyed. Not every encounter has to be a serious discussion about the complexities of the healthcare system or the solving world hunger. (We are still working on those issues. I'll let you know when we have it all figured out).
We are past Thanksgiving, into Hanukkah and are now heading towards Christmas and Kwanzaa. I feel like I am on a steam engine quickly approaching the station. Nix that. It is more like a bullet train. Lol.
Last time, I discussed some tips to help you make the holidays less rueful and more relaxing! I discussed the following tips. Please feel free to read my previous thriving during the holidays article if you haven’t already. Holiday Edition: How to Thrive with Depression Series
- Don’t forget that no one’s holiday/holiday season is perfect!
- Don’t get overly hungry.
- Play a game with yourself if you are visiting challenging relatives. Pretend you are a television producer looking for characters for your next series. Step back and evaluate your family members and current companions. Would they be appropriate for your new upcoming comedy? Or maybe your upcoming horror movie? 😄
- Prepare. Get yourself in a positive, festive mood before showing up to a holiday function.
My last article focused more on handling family gatherings. In this article, I focus on different stressors: money, calories, crowds, and loneliness. The purpose of the holidays is to enjoy the festivities, spend time with loved ones/friends, and show kindness to others. Christmas celebrates the birth of a man, identified by many as a savior, who spent his time on Earth spreading messages of peace and understanding. It also celebrates a saint, Saint Nicholas (aka. Santa Claus), known for his generosity and kindness to others.
Kwanzaa celebrates community, family, and culture.
Hanukkah celebrates the victory of a people overcoming oppression.
Granted, the descriptions above are oversimplifications, but the idea is that all of the holidays above celebrate kindness, culture, and community. Yet somehow this translates to calories and commodities.
Are both your wallet and waist band stretched? (That’s ok, your secret is safe with me.).
Here are some more tips for the holidays:
watching a funny movie, going out to lunch with a friend, seeking help from clergy, etc. I keep a holiday buddy. This didn’t start out as a planned idea. I did it unintentionally and then realized what a lifesaver it has been. I have a very close friend who I am unable to see in person very often. Texting has been a gift to us. We touch base every 1-3 days. Sometimes we just send a funny message to each other. Other times we just discuss recent movies or books that we enjoyed. And on other days, we discuss what is going on in our lives. There are two important elements to this system that make it work: (1) If she texts me, I am not REQUIRED to respond by a certain time. There is no sense of obligation or hurt feelings if someone doesn’t text back fast enough, etc. I might be in back-to-back meetings that day. She might be out doing chores that day or at an appointment. We both have a lot going on in our lives, so we do not impose a required response and a required timeline. Now, if we don’t hear from each other within a few days we might check to ensure the other person is ok. But that is it. (2) Not every encounter is serious.
I hope you have enjoyed this article. I certainly enjoyed writing it. This holiday season, don't expect perfection, expect joy. Have a good (enough) and healthy (mostly) holiday season. And don’t forget, it’s the season of giving AND receiving; not just the season of giving until it hurts!
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