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During the holidays we trade off going to the gym with shopping. We trade off eating grilled chicken with a fried chicken sandwich from the drive-thru, and saving money with, well, spending it all. We make plans to restart these habits at the beginning of the new year. If you started with the Thrive with Depression steps, you may have halted this habit as well. But no matter where you are in the Thrive with Depression Process, you can restart at any time. And if you haven’t started yet, you may want to take a look at Moving Forward: How to Thrive with Depression Series (Part 2), which discusses some possible barriers to getting started.
Several questions have surfaced regarding the Thriving process. Therefore, I wanted to take the opportunity to address some of the questions.
To Recap the 3 steps:
Step 1: Pick 1-2 areas in your life that cause the most stress. Each time you have a negative or stressful thought, you reframe your point of view by writing something you do like about your chosen area.
Step 2: Read your positive thoughts out loud.
Step 3: When doing this process, add a scent you find pleasing in the background.
A: The goal is to thrive, not just survive, with depression. To see the glass half-full not half-empty. To enjoy life. I considered myself thriving, not just surviving, when the following 3 things happened to me:
(1) I did not wake up either having a panic attack in the or a case of “The Mondays.” The urban dictionary defines The Mondays as a fictitious disorder associated with the tiredness, irritability or distractedness that comes from returning to work or school after the weekend. I agree with their definition except for one thing; it sure doesn’t feel fictional to me!
(2) Life events didn’t throw me into a deep depression. I did not feel like I was drowning; like I could barely hold my head above water. My reaction to a situation was appropriate. If something was sad, I cried. If something was scary, I was afraid. But my emotions didn’t linger, and I did not fall into that pit of despair that we call depression.
(3) I enjoyed life. No matter what was going on, I found reasons to be joyful each day. I was not miserable all the time and I didn’t wish I was no longer here- that life was just carrying out a jail sentence.
The steps above are meant to be a tool to keep in your toolbox. You can take them out and use them at any time. If you’re having a bad day or dealing with a situation that feels like a weight on your shoulders.
The goal is not to get this done and over with as soon as possible The goal is to learn and master a new skill. An NBA superstar does not just stop learning once he is drafted to a professional team. He doesn’t just sit down and relax now that he’s made it. Unless, of course, he wants to sit down permanently on the bench at every game! Yes, he has made it to the pros, but he continues to learn and grow; despite being a master in his field.
A: It can be hard to stop each time you have a negative thought and reframe it with a positive thought. Especially if it happens during a meeting or some other time when it would be inconvenient or inappropriate to do this.
If you’re with a client, you can’t ask the client to hold on while you get out your pen and paper. Lol. So, just do it when you can. It may be easier to do it just once a day. However, there are a couple of drawbacks with this method. First, you have to remember your negative thoughts from earlier. Second, by not reframing your thoughts right away, you are not stopping this behavior as it happens. This could be an issue if you tend to have many negative thoughts or if you have engaged in negative thinking for quite a while. If you find that the process is not working as well as you would like it, you may need to reframe your thoughts sooner than later.
For me, I found that doing it in the morning as I was starting work made the best sense for me. I was anxious at the beginning of the workday and had the most negative thoughts at that time. I needed to reframe my thinking so I could be more positive and more productive the remainder of the day.
A: This can be done a number of ways.
(1) You can add a scent in the background before you sit down to start this process.
(2) You can also wait until you have written several thoughts down. Before you read them out loud, add the scent in.
(3) If the scent you want is outside or a little more specialized, you can plan to bring all your written down positive thoughts with you to your scent. For example, if you want to go out and smell the ocean, you can bring your paperwork with you to the beach. However, this may not be feasible for many people either because of where you live or because of your schedule.
Adding a scent can be done a multitude of ways: via a candle, by cooking something, burning sage or some other scent, an air freshener or spritz, or a car air freshener.
I personally did this once a day. My scent was a very simple and common one- coffee. I made coffee and/or coffee alternative drinks at home. So, if you don’t drink coffee but like the smell, you can use a drink that just smells like it. There are coffee alternatives made with ayurvedic herbs and are caffeine free.
A: The process itself can vary anywhere from a few weeks to a few months.
It depends on a number of factors.
If you tend to put on a positive face and say positive comments to others, even when you are suffering from depression on the inside, this process will be quicker for you. You have learned how to access positive information, even if you don’t always feel happy. Other things that can help speed up the process is engaging in more self-care activities, eating well and accessing needed mental health care.
A: No, you don’t.
I ask you to select your heavy hitters right away on purpose.
(1) First, you need to get some relief from the areas in your life that cause you the most stress.
(2) Second, you will have the most negative thoughts from the most stressful areas in your life. This will give you the most practice with the process.
(3) Third, if you can manage it with the heavy hitters, then you will find you reframe your thoughts for the other areas of your life easily and automatically.
You can do it anywhere and most anytime.
Sometimes it is the simplest things we do in life that help us the most. Before I learned to thrive, I spent a lot of time and money trying a variety of treatments and medications. Some were helpful, some not. But most of the time the depression and hopelessness returned.
I was tired of feeling like a salmon swimming upstream.
I was tired of feeling like I was fighting to keep going.
I no longer feel that way very often. And when I do, it is a fleeting moment rather than a way of living.
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