Jamie's Corner: Mediocre Service is for Me

In the movies, I am not the elegant lady that walks down the stairs and charms her guests with grace and beauty. I am the one that trips on her gown, spills wine on her new dress and tries to carry on a conversation with spinach stuck in between her teeth. Years ago, it used to affect my sense of self and make my depression worse. But I no longer see it that way. A writer once told me anything that does not go smoothly in life makes for a good story. I agree. And I have lots of stories.

View the full archive of Jamie's Corner here.

My story this week: Jamie and Mediocre Service is for Me!

It happened twice a day, most every weekday. The yellow school bus came in the morning to pick my son up and in the afternoon to drop him off. But then, sadly, it stopped. Once he graduated from high school the yellow bus didn't come around any more. My son was forced to rely on the public bus and his parents for transportation to school. It was then that Guber was born. 

Unlike other ride services such as Uber and Lyft, Guber has a limited set of drivers and prides itself on 2-3 star ratings. Being mediocre is its goal. The mission statement: We'll get you where you need to go, we just can't promise when. Guber, however, has two advantages: (1) the low cost (free) and (2) the drivers are relatives (Mom, Dad, occasionally Sister) and the occasional friend. 

This is how Guber works. Once the student is done with school for the day, he texts dispatch, often affectionately referred to as Mom. The dispatcher texts back an ETA for pick up. The ETA may vary depending on the dispatcher's work load (zoom  meetings, doctor's appointments, etc). The student is picked up within an hour of the ETA and transported home. We were able to interview the dispatcher at Guber. Please see the interview below:

Interviewer: Tell me, is it true that Guber is free? 

Mom: Usually. Occasionally we require a token. 

Interviewer: What is this token and where does the student obtain one?

Mom: It can be purchased from the college bookstore and looks like this: 

Interviewer: Wait, is that a piece of chocolate?

Mom: Maybe.

Interviewer: Can you explain your motto?

Mom: I guess. It's all about expectations. You see, if you pick up the customer right away, then he'll expect it. Then, if you pick him up later one day, he'll be mad. But, if you make him wait most days, he will be used to it. He will start to expect it. 

Interviewer:  But why can't you pick the customer up early? Isn't that just good customer service?

Mom: No, I don't see a need for that. Besides, I'm busy. I have other things to do. They're lucky I even work here. 

Interviewer: Um...ok. So, if a customer had an issue, who is your management team?

Mom: Miss Appa is the manager, Mr. JD is the president of customer service, and Mr. Leonard is the CEO.

Interviewer: Have you ever received a 5 star review?

Mom: Fortunately no. We had a customer threaten once

because we arrived early with a snack to pick him up. But we offered to buy him lunch in return for not posting a 5 star review. We really dodged a bullet. We don't want customers getting the wrong idea about us. 

  
Interviewer: Well, thank you for taking the time to meet with me. 

Mom: Yeah, sure. 

Interviewer: Ok... there you have it everyone. Guber, the leader in mediocre service.