Show Me the $$$: Amanda's Story (Part 1)

This is Amanda's story. Her background and journey with finances is very different than mine. When it comes to finances, my background was fairly ideal. While Amanda learned some good financial habits from her mother, her childhood was less than ideal. But like the Phoenix from the smoke, she rose up from the ashes and created a beautiful life for herself. Here is Part 1 of Amanda's story.

I started diving into personal finance in September of 2006 after I'd made it through my first 2 years of college at a private university without taking a dime in student loans. No one in my family had ever gone to college before and I was terrified about spending and borrowing money after my parents divorce.  

The Early Years

When I was about 5 or 6 my dad started drinking heavily. I'm not sure why, but something in him changed when I hit grade school age... or maybe nothing changed at all and I was just finally old enough to put 2 and 2 together. By the time I was in third grade the drinking turned into verbal and physical abuse. It wasn't uncommon for dishes to be thrown against the wall at dinner... or for cosmetics to fail to hide the bruises on my mom. I tried to stay out of trouble as much as I could growing up because it kept me out of the "spot light" at home. My mother drank away her pain and I was on my way to becoming a perpetual doormat. I didn't have any friends at school, yet school was actually the light at the end of the tunnel for me. It offered me structure and absolutes that did not exist in my home----problems actually had answers and I found comfort in the rules, formulas and facts. I threw myself into school like my life depended on it... and in some ways it did. 

Living in that environment I made it my business to avoid conflict at all costs... even sacrificing my own happiness to protect the status quo because that was safe. My mom finally got a divorce when I was in 5th grade. My dad filed for bankruptcy, leaving the creditors to start coming after my mom for all his drug related credit card spending and my mom learned of many accounts that were opened in her name and maxed out. She was forced into a chapter 13 bankruptcy to save the house so we would have somewhere to live, but we watched the vehicles get repossessed and money got extremely tight as she was sued and counter sued from his creditors and we were living on a waitresses salary. We kept the home because my mom owned it before she married and it was mostly paid off from her frugal upbringing. 

Post divorce child support payments didn't always "make it" because my dad occasionally used a fake Social Security number. He would pay my mom what he thought was right and fair and she took it because any money was better than no money if they stuck him in jail... My mom continue to drink and when I was in middle school my dad got cancer. When he was sick, he actually started owning up to his short comings and I remember him sitting on the porch with my mom, apologizing for all the things he put her through. About a year after diagnosis and chemo, he passed away. That was the summer before I started High School.  

With the "Aggressor" role now vacant with my father's passing, my sister stepped in to fill the void... and this time around I was to old to hide from most of the fighting. She argued with my mom over her continued drinking among other things and my family became a Triangle I was stuck holding together... I was either the problem for rage or the potential ally and there was never any way to win. I switched high schools to put a little distance between my sister and I when an opportunity presented itself, and I managed to make some friends. I kept going to a church youth group to get the strength to just make it through one more week. I learned to be stubborn and determined and it was enough to get me through to graduation. I walked as one of 20 Valedictorians with honors. 

Applying for College

Let's be honest. I had no plans to ever go to college. No one in my entire family had ever even gone to college... and there wasn't a college fund sitting around with my name on it. But my academic adviser wouldn't take no for an answer. Apparently you can't graduate with a 4.0 and not apply to college, so I picked 2 schools and applied (Just 2 because of the application fees, and that was my advisors minimum). I picked the college my youth pastor at church had gone to (site unseen) and a Cal state school. I was surprised to get into both schools with the promises of scholarships. 

When it came time to pick schools I was leaning towards attending the Cal State school since state schools are cheaper... but I found out they lost all my financial aid papers I sent in and school funds had been awarded, leaving me out of luck. With limited options, I called the private college switchboard. The woman who answered saved my bacon. I told her I was accepted to the university, but didn’t know what else I needed to do to get the financial aid the letter indicated was available. A quick transfer and the saint in the admissions office overnight-ed their financial aid forms to me (before scanning was a big thing and all businesses had were fax machines) and said told me she would extend their deadline so I could apply. She called me the next day at home to make sure I got the forms... and then helped me fill them out over the phone --line by line--. That woman will never know how much that phone call meant to me. I didn't have anyone to answer those questions and she helped me through it all. She signed me up for my scholarship interview on their campus preview day which was just a week away... It seemed like fate. 

I went to campus ALONE for preview day, which apparently isn't considered normal. There were hundreds of parents with their kids so someone from the admissions department came to sit by me in the auditorium so I wasn't alone for the orientation meeting. By the end of Preview Day I had friends and the advisors realized I had been doing a lot of this stuff on my own for a while, and left me to it. I ended up getting a presidential scholarship for 4 years of undergrad when the interviews were done that day. That mixed with grants and one time scholarships I received from high school (my academic advisor apparently applied for some scholarships for me from the school PTA and other things I wasn't even aware of), I realized I'd have my expenses covered for my first year, including room and board. 

The College Years

I worked two jobs the summer before I started classes and saved all the money I could. When I finally made it to college I got an on campus job and I continued driving to my lifeguard gig on the weekends. I listened to Dave Ramsey in my car and repeated to myself mantras not to spend money and I saved everything I made apart from gas to and from my job. I took 18 units to get my money's worth for the semester... and passed all my classes. At the end of the term, I realized I couldn't afford the summer housing if I wanted to pay the next years tuition in cash, so I was forced to go back home. 

While I had been away at school the fights had continued at home and had escalated in my absence. Summer was unbearable but I took Summer classes at the local community college that would transfer back to the university, and I picked up more hours lifeguarding over the summer. The day I started calling friends to couch surf, I got a call from the University. They magically forgot to book a sound Technician for NSO week and asked if I could do it, having assisted with sound for chapel services as an on campus job. They said they could give me free room and board for the week so I packed everything I owned within 2 hours and drove away. I taped a note to the door saying I'd left for college. (Its amazing what you can pack in a Camry in 2 hours).  

I used all my savings from my minimum wage jobs to pay for another year of housing (my classes were covered with grants/scholarships). After spending Christmas break alone in the dorms stacking "J-session classes" in an effort to graduate in 3 years instead of 4, my mom offered me what seemed like a compromise. She promised to stop drinking, attend AA meetings, and talk with my sister about moving out, and offered me free housing. After a few months of what seemed to be good follow through on her end, I planned to go back over summer break … 

That was a mistake. 

My sister wasn't living there when I moved in... but, within a week or two, she moved back in. I was stuck since the summer housing was already in place and I didn't have any options. I worked all summer but I still didn't have enough money for a third year of housing and I didn't want to take out school loans because I saw what debt had done to my family… Feeling I was stuck between a rock and a hard place, I began to search for other options and I lucked out big time.  

A full time job opened up where I was lifeguarding and I got the nerve together to apply.

The job was local and 10 minutes from my mom's house -- and they hired me. The youngest full time employee to ever be hired in my department if not the city. 

Now I had an income, but I also needed to stay local for work since the job started at 5 am. 

Since I didn't have the upfront money for housing, and since I would need to be back down here 5 days a week,  I decided to commute to school and stacked 18 units around my full time job, taking classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays and working Mon/Wed/Fri/Sat/Sun. Essentially I slept and showered at my mom's house when the place was empty and came home when everyone else was asleep to get rest.  After work I either went to the church and hung out in the building, spent time at the local library on school work, walked around a park if the weather was nice or spent time in my friends dorms between classes.

(Don't worry, the story isn't over and it gets a whole lot better! You can't always invent your backstory, but you can learn from your past and not let it define your future. Stay Tuned for Part 2).