The Purpose of Life; Getting Better- Thriving with Depression (Part 20)

 

Welcome back to the Thriving with Depression Series! Thank you for joining me on my adventure! 

To view the full series, check out our archive! As a reminder to new readers, you can start anywhere, even here as articles do not need to be read in any particular order. 

Please see last week's article Why Am I Here?

I continue the discussion in this episode: 

The Purpose of Life; Getting Better

So why are you here? What is the purpose? 

I can't answer all the questions that probably come to mind. But my hypothesis is that we are here to learn, improve, and ultimately become better people- you are here to become the best version of you. 

Think about it, we spend our entire lives learning and getting better at a variety of skills. When we
come into this world as babies, we only know how to do a few things- cry, eat, smile, and poop.  Yes, we are born with the seeds to develop a variety of activities. But we need to develop the seeds within ourselves, and this takes lots of learning. Joe Mantana was not born throwing footballs; he had to learn how to do it. Mary Lou Retton and Simone Biles weren't doing cartwheels in the newborn nursery. Usain Bolt wasn't running 27 miles per hour as a toddler (although his parents may disagree- lol). He didn't start his training until the age of 12! Many of us are good or excellent at sports, art, speaking, helping others, etc. I believe this is one of the best parts of life- learning what you're good at and, if you have children, discovering their talents as well. I believe we do not ever really develop all the talents we have!

It is not just skills such as reading, writing, art, and sports that we can enjoy and develop. It is the skills that go along with everyday life. We need to learn how to live and work with others. We to learn how to communicate with other people, share the chores, share the food in the house (but the last banana muffin is mine, nobody touches it -lol), raise kids, raise animals, obtain and hold a job.

And have you ever noticed that life seems to repeat certain situations until we learn the lesson we needed to? Granted our own actions may set ourselves up for facing the same situation over and over again, But I still believe that we are introduced to certain situations until we get it. 

For example, I knew a girl (I'll call her Barbara) who had difficulty keeping friends. When she first started a friendship with someone, she spoke highly of them- how talented and kind they were. But, a few months later, Barbara would change her tune. The friend was no longer wonderful but rude, uncaring, a horrible person. The issue was that Barbara did not know how to be a friend. She expected a friend to be available at all times of the day or night if she needed to talk or if she was lonely and wanted to go out. But Barbara herself constantly cancelled plans at the last minute. Inevitably, her new friend would get tired of her behavior and stop responding to her calls and texts. Finally, after happening many times, it occurred to Barbara that perhaps she needed to be more aware of the needs of others. 

I mentioned above that the ultimate purpose is to become better - you are here to become the best version of you. What does it mean to become better? My definition of better = when you change your behavior and attend to both your own needs as well as the needs of others. In other words, you learn to implement the golden rule into your life: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. * You may experience growing pains as you learn to do this. But eventually life becomes a little bit smoother. In the example above, Barbara's friendships became smoother. As she learned to consider the needs of her friends, she fought less with them and was able to maintain a couple of friendships. 

You may have identified a problem or two with this situation. "Better" is a subjective term. What is better may differ by culture, religion, and family. If you find yourself in a very restrictive situation, it may be very challenging to be better. I mentioned above that becoming better is becoming the best version of you. Part of the learning process is learning who you are. Until you accomplish this critical step, you cannot become better. We are all born with different talents and skills. An issue comes about when you are unable or not allowed to use your skills either for work or pleasure. 

So, what do you do when you find yourself in this situation? You try to be as authentic as you can within your given situation. You may also have to make some very difficult choices. If you are in an abusive family or family that holds different values than you, you have to decide whether or not to stay in your current situation. Definitely not an easy position to be in. 

Etaf Rum comes to mind. She is the author of the best-selling book "A Woman is No Man." The book itself is fiction but based on some of her own experiences raised as a Palestinian- Arab woman. Because she spoke candidly about her culture (i.e. a woman is required to be a mother and under the control of her husband) vs. how the culture may prefer women to be portrayed (a woman should welcome the chance to honor her family with children and be grateful that her family finds a suitable man for her to marry), she received death threats. Etaf went to college and became a professor as well as a writer. She left her arranged marriage and took custody of her two children. I can't imagine what that was like. But she became a better version of herself. 

Even if you decide to stay in a marriage, family, job, or other situation that is not the safest, you try to be the best person you can within the situation. But I highly encourage you to get help. Please see my Resources Section for help. 

From last week's article, I added the 3rd step to help clarify what it means to get "better."

To Review:

• Why Am I Here? To Become a Better Person
• How? Learning>Improvement>A Better You
• What does it mean to be a better you? Learning who you are and implementing the golden rule (attending to your own needs as well as the needs of others).                      
• How Does Knowing This Affect Your Life? Focusing on this makes your life smoother.

*Fun Fact: Possibly the earliest affirmation of the maxim of reciprocity, reflecting the ancient Egyptian goddess Ma'at, appears in the story of "The Eloquent Peasant", which dates to the Middle Kingdom (c. 2040–1650 BCE): "Now this is the command: Do to the doer to make him do."